'Living in the moment has taken on new meaning, as I can't live out of the moment.'
The following letter was written by Jay Saxon '05, who was studying Arabic in Beirut this summer, to his friends and family the evening of July 17. Saxon is currently north of Beirut awaiting evacuation from Lebanon.
Hi everyone,
Night three here, and nothing has changed. Well, nothing significant, and at least not for the better.
All is quiet now. About two hours ago, the building was literally vibrating. I was on the phone being interviewed by the anchor of
I also saw anti-aircraft artillery (apparently the military lingo is "AAA") in the sky for the first time tonight. We're in the mountains, so we have a clear line of sight towards
Right after that an Israeli jet, way, WAY up high, circled overhead and disappeared. Since then, silence.
A number of people actually got through to me today on the phone, which is surprising, considering our phones and internet have now started to go intermittently. I'm ok as long as I have an outlet to the world, so if those go, I will not be a happy camper. If you try to call and can't get through, that's why.
Today was incredibly boring. I know that sounds strange, but you have to understand what I mean by boredom. This isn't lazy-Sunday boredom, when you're twelve and get into trouble, like when I used to run around
People in the program have been actively nasty towards those of us who are able to call home (if you ever go abroad, have as smart a mother as I do who decides to add international calling to your cell phone plan) or who have been in touch directly with the State Department. I can think of no other motive but jealousy, but it is sad to see these people we thought were our new friends resenting us for simply trying to get all of us home safe. It's made the experience all the more depressing, as these situations make a person's true character shine through. Sometimes that shine is pretty dull.
We are also in a prison state. I mentioned this before, but it has gotten worse. Today, the guards locked two iron gates blocking the only stairwell exit to the 2nd floor here, where the women are staying. They have no fire escape. Their only means of escape in the event of a fire (or, more realistically, a bomb) is the elevator. I forgot to mention that there are rolling blackouts throughout the country, and we lost power five times today In the event of a power outage, their only means of escape is to jump out their second story window. Problem is, they fall pretty far, as their window opens onto a cliff. We complained to the director of the program, and she didn't care. She said "if something happens, the guard will let you out." Right.
I can't make that up. It's ridiculous. Tonight, I had to give State Dept. evacuation forms to my friend, and she had to come down to my floor on the elevator, where we opened the door the one inch it would open (the elevator is locked on our floor, so we can't be naughty in there) and hand the forms through the iron bars. I literally feel like I'm in prison. We are adults (not just adults in the I'm-over-18 sense; there are people in our program who are married with children, in their forties and fifties), and we can't make our own decisions. I'm not trusted to even be allowed to knock on the door of a woman. It's truly morality police; it's a tiny glimpse into the problems that are endemic to this entire society, and I hate it.
That reminds me that I've had no interesting political conversations (I'm living too much politics right now), but Michael has. For those who don't know, Michael was my flat mate in
Josh, a guy in my program from
More than anything, I want to get the hell out of here, yesterday. Tensions grow, we feel worse, stress levels spike, the food gets worse (there is a total blockade, so restaurants are starting to hurt. We ate at Subway yesterday and the bread was two days old and stale), and we grow weary. We now know for certain we will be evacuated, but we don't know when. It could be tomorrow, but will likely be Wednesday. It could even be Thursday. The news is reporting that a cruise liner has been rented so that the most people at once can be evacuated; one of my friends went exploring on Google, and found this link. Apparently, that's the ship we may be on. Notice the large landing pad in the back; that may be how we get there.
I notice I say "we" a lot, and nobody knows who I'm talking about. It's weird, these people I know so well but who didn't exist to me six weeks ago. I am living with a guy named Nick, from Michigan, who goes to Rhodes and runs marathons basically every month when he's not in a war zone; Michael, mentioned above (hi, Michael! Thanks for bringing me!) is down the hall; Lindsay is from outside D.C., went to UGA, and is starting a Master's in Middle Eastern studies in the fall; and Rachel goes to Berkeley and lives on a small island near Seattle. My other friends Mike and Nadia stayed in
I don't think I have more to say now. Boredom, fatigue, and weariness now overtake us; in some ways, they have replaced the fear, as fear can only remain for so long before being replaced by complacency. Again, I want to end on a humorous note, but one thing I must say; no matter what the media tells you, this is war. This is not a conflict, a disagreement, a tit-for-tat; it is war.
To close, I want to reassure you that we did manage to find a bit of amusement today. We made two decisions: one being to make a playlist for the experience (songs include Outkast's "Bombs Over Baghdad," R.E.M.'s "End of the W'orld as We Know It," and Eagle Eye Cherrys "Save Tonight." I promise if you listen to the lyrics of the last one, it will make sense.) and the other being to make t-shirts that we can wear when we get home.I don't know how we'll do this, but I promise, it will be a hot item next season. Yes, I know that both of these things are strange activities, but what else are we supposed to do?
That is all. Our internet may be gone for good soon, so if you don't hear from me, I am sorry, and wish us the best. Again, please forward this to anyone I left off (I tried to add people, but I know I failed in part), and please keep us in your hearts and minds. Thank you to everyone who has emailed and called; my spirit is lifted greatly by your kind compassion. To adapt something Cornel West used to say: religious people, please pray for us; agnostics, wonder if it will help; and atheists, just send some good vibes this way.
Jay